I am often asked this question – what is religious trauma therapy? Potential clients want to know what to expect. Other therapists are curious about how I approach working with those who have experienced religious trauma. People in my daily life want to understand “what exactly is it that you do?”
In this post, I am going to provide my answer to the question regarding what religious trauma therapy is. But first, a few things to note.
This is my answer based on the work that I do with clients and the things that I have seen to be effective in helping folks heal from the harm of religious trauma. I am not saying this is the right solution for everyone who has experienced religious trauma. I am also not saying this is the only way to provide effective religious trauma therapy.
I will use the terms religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and high-control religion throughout this post. I find that some folks quickly resonate with the term and description of religious trauma. For others, there may be another term or phrase that feels like a better fit to describe their experience. I approach this work with a belief that if you experienced harm within a religious or faith setting, your experience is valid, and you are in the best position to choose the vocabulary that describes that experience. Though I use certain terms in this post, the content includes how I support those who have been harmed in faith-based spaces, regardless of the vocabulary we may use in sessions.
Relationship
Multiple research studies over the years have shown that the relationship between a client and therapist is the best predictor of how effective therapy will be. A relationship built on trust and respect is very likely to foster healing and personal growth. A relationship that feels judgmental, forced, or disrespectful is likely to hinder the path to growth, regardless of how well-trained or specialized the therapist happens to be.
I find that the therapist-client relationship is even more important for client’s who have experienced harm in high-control religious settings. Survivors of religious trauma tend to have hypervigilant nervous systems and are very aware when things feel “off” in an interaction. They may have trouble trusting their instincts due to the various teachings of their religious background, but they know when something isn’t right. Therefore, it’s important to me, as a therapist, to be upfront and real with clients (potential, current, or otherwise). I am honest about my level of knowledge with their particular background or concerns. I am open to making a referral to another provider if I feel their needs will be better met by someone else. It’s important to me that clients are provided accurate information and the opportunity to make informed decisions from our first contact.
The therapist-client relationship can also begin to mimic other relationships with authority figures, especially when a therapist is not aware of the impact of this dynamic in the experiences of many religious trauma survivors. A common aspect of high-control religion is having a leader or small group of leaders who make decisions and have control over the people within the faith group. Many survivors have little, if any, experience in equal adult relationships where they are viewed as an expert on themself and as able to make their own decisions. It may be comfortable for a survivor, based on their past experience, to defer to their therapist for guidance, advice, and even control. Therefore, it is important to me that I communicate throughout our counseling relationship that I am not there to control them or make decisions for them. I bring my own expertise to the relationship, including understanding the mental health impacts of religious trauma and interventions that can assist with healing. Clients bring expertise in who they are and what they want for their lives.
Consent & Autonomy
I view the concepts of consent and autonomy as flowing naturally from the belief that clients are the expert on their life. Consent means giving permission for something to happen or to agree to be a part of doing something. In order to truly give consent, a person must be informed of what they’re being asked to be part of, as well as of any possible benefits or harms that might come.
Informed consent should be a part of any counseling relationship, regardless of the concerns being discussed. The informed consent process starts when you first speak to a therapist about beginning counseling, and includes review and discussion of their paperwork and policies. Informed consent continues throughout the therapeutic relationship as the therapist offers options for your work together, and the client is able to ask questions and make an informed decision about if/how they wish to move forward. Consent is particularly important with survivors of religious trauma, as they may have never had the opportunity to be informed and make a personal decision in many areas of their life.
Autonomy goes hand-in-hand with consent. If you are not free to make whatever decision you feel is best for you, then you are not truly able to give consent. Without freedom to say “no”, your “yes” doesn’t mean much.
I make an effort to ensure my clients know that I value their autonomy and believe in their ability to make decisions about what is best for them. Many survivors of religious abuse recognize their tendencies as “people pleasers.” It’s important to me that they know they don’t have to try to please me. It’s important that my clients know they can say “no.” And when I hear them say “no” or even “not right now”, then I know they are feeling empowered in their autonomy. They no longer fear the consequences of saying “no” (at least in the therapeutic relationship).
Possible Modalities
Modalities is a fancy way of describing the techniques, or interventions, that a therapist might use in sessions with a client. Many therapists, including myself, would describe their work as eclectic – we don’t only use one modality. This section gets to the heart of what I think a lot of folks are asking when they question, “What do you do in religious trauma therapy?”
I want to be clear that I do not believe there is one right way to support someone who is healing from the harm of high-control religion. Depending on the individual and the specifics of the harm done, a variety of interventions can be helpful.
This non-exhaustive list is some of the modalities that I utilize most often in religious trauma therapy:
- Narrative Therapy – This allows a person to formulate the narrative of their experience, externalize problems, and create a more adaptive way of moving forward. There can be a great deal of healing in being able to tell your story in a context that feels safe and where you don’t have to fear being directed to handle things differently than what you’re capable of in the moment. For many, externalizing the shame felt as part of their spiritual abuse experience, is an important part of their healing.
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – This form of therapy includes building some knowledge of concepts that many folks in high-control religions haven’t had much experience with. I often utilize aspects of DBT to work with clients in recognizing emotions and figuring out how to handle them, as well as in navigating the most effective way to interact with others in peer relationships outside of the high-control faith setting.
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) – This form of therapy is based on the idea that each of us have parts that serve a purpose – protection, maintaning control, holding painful emotion, etc. I do not specialize in utilizing solely IFS. However, I find that utilizing some of the concepts can be helpful for clients in understanding why it can feel like they’re having an internal battle at times.
- Psychoeducation – This is the word used when the work of therapy is focused on providing education about something to a client. A common example of psychoeducation within religious trauma therapy are the topics of sex / sexuality / intimate relationships. Many folks exiting high-control religions have received little, if any, information about their body, sex, and relationships. So, we may spend time learning so they can make an informed decision about how to move forward.
- Somatic Work – This type of intervention focuses on connecting with the body. A common impact of religious trauma is that folks feel disconnected from their body – “like a floating head”, as some have described it. One aspect of therapy may be intentional practices to reconnect with your body, and release the emotion held there.
- EMDR / Brainspotting – These interventions require special training and are 2 approaches commonly used to help a person’s brain and body make the connections needed for healing. I am Level 1 trained in each of these modalities, and use them with clients when appropriate to help “clear out” some of the unhelpful stuff and provide a catalyst in making helpful connections toward healing.
Role of Spiritual Involvement
Am I allowed to attend church while I’m attending religious trauma therapy?
Am I expected to be involved with a spiritual community while doing religious trauma therapy?
For me, the answer to both of these is “that’s up to you.” I truly believe my clients are autonomous individuals. Some choose to continue with spiritual involvement during religious trauma therapy. Some have no desire to be involved with anything spiritual in any capacity. Either of those options, as well as choices that fall somewhere else on the spectrum of spirituality, are welcome in my religious trauma therapy work.
Decisions about involvement in any sort of spiritual belief system or gathering are up to each individual client. Those decisions may also change over the course of someone’s journey in religious trauma threapy. I am available to talk through those decisions and help client’s process their experiences, but I am not going to tell you what’s best for you.
All the Emotions
There are likely to be a lot of emotions that arise during religious trauma therapy. Many high-control religions dismissed emotions, or even labeled certain emotions as demonic. Folks in high-control religions are often expected to “put on a happy face” (hence the name of the Shiny, Happy People documentary). Often, unpleasant emotions are viewed as being rooted in sin or other wrongdoing.
That makes it no surprise that when emotions are allowed to be felt during religious trauma therapy, they can feel overwhelming. You may feel like you can’t start crying about your experience because you fear you’ll never be able to stop. You may feel intense anger and want to lash out at the people / group / institution that caused you harm. You may feel isolated and abandoned as people you thought were your closest community either outright reject you or simply fade out of your life.
Part of religious trauma therapy is making room for all the emotions. I strive to create and hold space for clients to feel whatever may arise, and also help them regulate those emotions so they don’t feel quite as overwhelming. It’s part of the process.
The Non-Existent Timeline
Religious trauma therapy is a process. There is no specific timeline for healing from harm experienced through spiritual abuse and high-control religion. Many factors play a role in how long someone may need regular support on their healing journey. These include, but are not limited to: the length of the abusive experience, the availability of support following the experience, and the person’s individual nervous system.
This non-existent timeline is one of the reasons I don’t accept insurance. I don’t think it’s ethical for an insurance company to put a limit on the frequency or type of therapy provided for someone rather than leaving that decision to the therapist and client who are working together. I feel this is particularly true within religious trauma therapy, where treatment cannot be manualized because people and their experiences are individual.
Survivors of religious trauma have often had so much control taken away from them. It’s important that my clients are able to seek support as frequently and for as long as needed for their individual healing.
Individual and Group Therapy
I provide religious trauma therapy both individually and in group settings. Individual religious trauma therapy is when I meet 1-on-1 with a client. We work together to identify that client’s goals for healing, and to determine how to best make progress in their individual situation. For many folks, individual therapy is an important aspect of early recovery from spiritual abuse and high-control religions. A client may need time to focus on their specific experience. Also, the idea of interacting with a group of people after being harmed within a group you trusted, which is frequently the case with spiritual abuse, can be terrifying.
However, I have also seen how healing impacts of group therapy for religious trauma when a person is ready to participate in that kind of environment. It’s hard to dip a toe back into a group experience, to attempt trusting folks again, and to find some balance in trusting your intuition to keep you safe.
Wounded By Faith is a virtual therapy group that I facilitate 1-2 times per year. This group is geared toward folks who have experienced wounding or harm in a faith-based setting. That might include those who have experienced religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or who are exiting a high-control religion. There are also a whole variety of other folks who may not connect with those terms, yet have been wounded in a faith-based setting.
I meet with those who are interested in the group for a free, pre-group consultation each time I am starting a new round of the group. This consultation is a time to learn a bit about each person’s experience, to answer any questions, and to share some basics about the group. I have a planned curriculum for the 8-week group, but I also find that things get shifted as the members of a particular round of the group express their current needs around what we discuss. From the beginning, I communicate a few foundational group norms: confidentiality around what’s shared, respect for one another, freedom for each person to be wherever they are in their personal journey with no pressure to be in a different spot, and that feedback will only be given when requested. This foundation helps begin to build a space that can provide safety and connection for those who participate. Participants frequently finish the 8 weeks stating how much they appreciate feeling less isolated in their journey, and some past participants have even built a new community with one another when the group finished.
Whether I’m providing religious trauma therapy in an individual session or as I facilitate a therapy group, my belief in honoring the autonomy of my clients and their right to informed consent remains steadfast. My own path to healing from the lived experience of spiritual abuse and religious trauma has been a long and windy road, and I am honored to be a part of supporting others on their journey as I provide religious trauma therapy.
Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
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