Learning about Autistic Burnout has helped me understand my own experience. I’ve realized that there have been at least 3 periods of intense autistic burnout in my life, and that the shadow of autistic burnout has been an ever-present companion throughout my adolescence and adulthood.
What is Autistic Burnout?
Amanda Diekman, late-diagnosed autistic and the creator of Low Demand Parenting, defines neurodivergent burnout (including autistic burnout) as “a long-term state of physical, emotional, and cognitive exhaustion, caused by prolonged stress or unmet needs.”
Many autistic folks, particularly those who are late-identified, may not even be aware of the needs that have gone unmet for months or years. We may be aware that we’re exhausted to our very core and that life feels hard all the time, but we don’t know that everyone else isn’t experiencing the same thing. Often, we just think that everyone else is handling the world better than we are, or that something is broken within us that makes things so difficult.
General Burnout vs. Autistic Burnout
You might be wondering how autistic burnout is different from general burnout. Most everyone experiences general burnout at some point in life. General burnout often occurs in the context of a person’s job and includes feelings of cynicism, detachment, or reduced professional efficiency. Someone experiencing general burnout may feel mentally and physically exhausted; however, the recovery period is generally much shorter for general burnout. Focusing on intentional relaxation, adequate nourishment and rest, or even taking a vacation often alleviates this sense of burnout and leaves the individual feeling restored.
Autistic burnout is a much more pervasive and all-encompassing experience and is connected to the ongoing stress of attempting to meet neurotypical expectations, rather than to a specific job or work environment. Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights describes autistic burnout as “a deep and sustained collapse of functioning that touches every part of life.”
Patrick Casale, an AuDHD (autistic and ADHD) therapist, highlights that autistic burnout often results from “prolonged efforts to navigate and adapt to environments that are not accommodating to [the autistic person’s] sensory, social, and cognitive needs.” He goes on to say that autistic burnout “occurs when the demands of masking (suppressing natural behaviors to fit societal norms), sensory overload, and social interactions become overwhelming.” Recovery can take months or even years, and often includes radical shifts in a person’s life.
My Experiences of Autistic Burnout
As I look back on my life, I can identify at least 3 periods of intense autistic burnout. I’m going to share a bit about my experience at age 15 and in my early 30s.
I was 15, in my first year of high school, navigating increased social demands that included a tumultuous first dating relationship. I was often confused by interactions with peers – thinking I was responding appropriately, but then being dismissed, berated, or excluded. I was constantly exhausted on a deep level, a level that no amount of sleep was able to relieve. Yet, I was reprimanded for answering those who asked how I was doing with, “I’m tired.” Life felt like too much and there were many points during that time where the energy it took for life felt like an overwhelming demand.
It was the 90s and I was in a small town in North Carolina. No one talked about mental health. Autism was only understood (at least by those around me) as including intellectual disabilities and often meaning that the person was unable to speak. I didn’t have access to any kind of mental health support at the time, and for the longest time afterwards I viewed this experience as depression. I learned to “push through” and meet everyone’s expectations. The natural rhythm of the school year included summer vacation and enough recovery time to allow me to do it all again the next school year.
Fast forward almost two decades. I was in my early 30s. The majority of my peers had gotten married within the last 5 years, and I was part of a religious group where being a single woman in my 30s was exceptionally difficult due to expectations for what made a “good” woman. My work situation did not include anyone with understanding of mental health, much less an understanding of sensory needs or differences in brain processing. I had invested years in trying to figure out the rules and expectations within this role, yet continually being scolded for all the ways I did not conform correctly.
I was mentally and physically exhausted. My sensory sensitivities increased and I was even experiencing chronic pain as part of this round of (what I now know) was autistic burnout. This time was accompanied by severe depression and regularly desiring to no longer exist. I also developed an eating disorder in my attempts to have some sense of control and predictability over some part of my life. Recovery was only possible because my world as I knew it literally blew up and left me with months of no expectations or demands. Despite struggling with feeling lazy and like I was a failure, this time allowed me to fully rest and have space for my nervous system to recover.
These two experiences were times where I was in the most intense stage of autistic burnout, the “Goo Phase” as described below. But if I’m being honest, I’ve lived most of my life in some state of autistic burnout because I exist in a society that was not built for the level of sensitivity in my nervous system.
Three Phases of Autistic Burnout
The phases described below are drawn from a presentation by Amanda Diekman. I have incorporated aspects from her presentation, and added additional information based on my own lived and clinical experience.
Goo Phase (Acute Burnout). This is the most intense and obvious phase of autistic burnout. An individual’s nervous system is in shutdown and they may appear to be existing in a state much like goo. In this phase, autistic people retreat to what is familiar – places, clothing, foods, activities. Folks in this phase crave predictability and control. The autistic nervous system has used all its bandwidth and the amount of energy necessary to survive can feel overwhelming and draining. Depression is a frequent misdiagnosis when an autistic person is in this phase.
Curious, But No Capacity. This phase can appear sporadic for those observing the autistic individual. The autistic person may use all their capacity to complete necessary tasks, leaving them unable to engage in social interactions or complete tasks that feel unnecessary. Think of the child who is “a pleasure to have in class” at school, and completely melts down as soon as they arrive home. Because their ability to rest may vary from day to day, their actions and behaviors may also vary. This can lead to the people in their lives believing the autistic person is indecisive, uncommitted, manipulative, or doesn’t care.
The truth is, at least in my personal experience, the autistic person cares deeply, but their nervous system is so overwhelmed that they struggle to demonstrate this outwardly. This phase can be a time when the autistic person loses friendships because they are unable to “get it together” to engage socially or to attempt to meet social expectations. A common misdiagnosis that occurs during this phase is ADHD due to the person’s difficulty focusing and the fact that others focus on external behaviors such as incomplete tasks or stimming/fidgeting. (Note, there is a large overlap in autistic folks who also have ADHD; however, that neuorype (often called AuDHD) is present at all times and not something that is experienced only during periods of burnout.)
Recovery & Rebuild. This is the phase of autistic burnout where a person begins to slowly rebuild their nervous system’s resilience and energy. This phase can take months, or even years, depending on the extent of burnout the individual has experienced. The autistic person is learning to trust themselves, to identify their needs in the context of supporting their unique nervous system, and to request the accommodations that will be most helpful for them. This is the phase where unmasking, or showing up in an authentic way that allows for embracing one’s needs and preferences, can become more common. There are many autistic folks who never get to fully experience this phase due to the demands of their lives and/or the lack of safety to unmask due their identities and/or circumstances.
Characteristics of Autistic Burnout
According to a 2020 study by Dr. Dora Raymaker and their colleagues, autistic burnout is characterized by a few primary features:
- Pervasive Exhaustion – This exhaustion encompasses physical, mental, cognitive, and emotional domains. Executive function (ability to plan, manage time, organize, etc.) is more difficult or impossible. Feelings of overwhelm are constant.
- Heightened Sensory Sensititivities – Everything feels louder, smellier, harsher – there is just more “ick” overall in the very act of existing. This contributes to the ongoing exhaustion and often means an increased need for time alone in environments that the autistic person can control. Meltdowns and shutdowns may become more frequent as the person’s nervous system is reacting to complete overwhelm.
- Skill Decline / Regression – Basic tasks are accompanied by struggle. Things that may have previously been easy, or at the very least possible, for an autistic individual may no longer be attainable.
Impacts of Autistic Burnout
Because autistic burnout involves pervasive exhaustion, it can impact nearly every area of an autistic person’s life.
Physical Impacts. An individual experiencing autistic burnout may experience physical tiredness or weakness without any sense of recovery with sleep. Burnout may also include physical ailments or illnesses that linger.
Mental Impacts. Autistic burnout can impact a person’s overall mental state. The individual may have an increased sense of hopelessness or feel such a high level of anxiety that even seemingly small movements or changes overwhelm their nervous system.
Vocational Impacts. Some autistic people have jobs or careers where they thrive, find enjoyment, and are able to create environments that support their needs. But when autistic burnout occurs, these individuals may find that their environment can no longer meet their needs or that they are so exhausted that even those things that previously gave them joy feel like impossible tasks.
Relational Impacts. For many autistic folks, relationships are difficult due to expectations around social communication and differences in sensory needs. An autistic person may crave connection with others, but relationships may be some of the first places the effects are felt when burnout occurs. When the very act of existing in the world is overwhelming, it can be impossible to interact with others regardless of how important the relationship may be.
The overall quality of life for someone in autistic burnout is impacted. Everything in life, from brushing teeth to staying hydrated to engaging in special interests, can feel like a demand that is drawing from an already depleted system. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to experience even fleeting joy or excitement in a state of autistic burnout.
Until Next Time…
In my next post, I plan to focus on some of the factors that contribute to autistic burnout and things that can be supportive in recovery. I’ll also share a few resources that I have found helpful in my own journey of being late-identified autistic.
Did this post resonate with you? Perhaps you or someone you care about is exhibiting some of these characteristics. I offer neuro-affirming ADHD/Autism Assessments for adults (18+) and neurodivergent-affirming therapy for folks in North Carolina. I’m happy to provide a free, 15-minute virtual consultation to see if my services might be a good fit for you. You can contact me here.
Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma, and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. She also frequently supports late-identified neurodivergent individuals as they navigate the grief and relief of a new understanding of self. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
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