April is Autism Acceptance Month.  Some may refer to this month as being Autism Awareness Month, and awareness regarding autism is important.  But it’s not enough to simply be aware that autistic people exist.  

Does it seem like some weird (perhaps cruel) happenstance that a month focused on creating awareness and acceptance of a brain difference that often includes literal thinking begins on the one day of the year where there are pranks and mistruths everywhere we look?  For this autistic person, who has always disliked April Fool’s Day, the intersections can’t be ignored.  

What is Autism?  

Autism is a brain difference that impacts approximately 1 in 40 people.  The exact numbers are difficult to know because many people, particularly those assigned female at birth and who were able to meet academic standards in school, were not recognized as autistic until recent years. 

You may have heard folks talk about autism being caused by vaccines – FALSE!  You may have also heard recent statements such as “everybody’s autistic nowadays.”  Also FALSE!  You know what is true?  Our understanding of autism has grown by leaps and bounds in the past 2 decades.  We are able to hear from actually autistic people who can describe our experience living with our autistic brains, rather than relying on observations from the outside that focus on the ways that autistic traits or related behaviors cause problems for others.  

Yet, the process for diagnosis and seeking accommodations to help autistic people flourish is often stuck in what is known as the Medical Model of Disability.  The Oxford online Dictionary defines disability as “a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities.”  Disability is not a bad word, and every autistic person that I know would agree that autism places limits on them in either movements, senses, or activities (sometimes all 3).  Autism is a disability.

The Medical Model of Disability is all about focusing on the deficits, using terms such as “disorder”, and supporting “treatments” that are geared toward ensuring the disabled individual causes the least possible disruption to society.  Aspects of this model are the reason that many folks, like myself, went undiagnosed well into adulthood – our struggles didn’t cause disruptions to others, despite being incredibly painful to experience personally.  This model relies on the process of diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder as outlined in the DSM (the criteria used for diagnoses and receiving mental health support), which can take months and cost thousands of dollars.  The Medical Model frequently includes recommendations for ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy for autistic kids, focusing on behaving in a way that is socially acceptable rather than affirming that different brains have different needs.  

An alternative view is the Social Model of Disability, which views disability as a social construct based on the interactions between a person’s physical or sensory impairments and their social/cultural environment.  For example, being a quiet, detail-oriented, task-focused person may be seen as a “problem” in some contexts.  Yet, that is exactly the traits that would help someone excel in other contexts.  This model emphasizes that brain differences can be celebrated rather than pathologized, and that many struggles of an autistic person could be (at least somewhat) relieved by shifts in social and cultural expectations regarding communication and behavior. 

Autism includes differences in communication styles and preferences, differences in sensory experiences, and repetitive behaviors that are often part of self-soothing or calming an over-stimulated nervous system.  There is great variability in how these differences present as every autistic person is different.  The need for supports or accommodations varies greatly among autistic people as well.  

Some Helpful Vocabulary

• Autism – a neurological condition that impacts how people experience and interact with the world   
• Autistic – descriptor for someone who has autism.  Many autistic people prefer to be referred to with the descriptor first because autism is a part of all of our existence; however, it’s important to honor the ways that each individual person describes themself.
• Allistic – anyone who is not autistic, although they may neurodivergent in others ways
• Neurodivergent – descriptor for someone whose brain function varies from what is considered “typical” (also known as neurotypical); this is not limited to autism and can include a variety of other brain differences, including OCD and ADHD
• Neurodiverse – descriptor of a group of people that includes both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals; describes the natural variations in humans
• Neurodivergent-affirming – descriptor that indicates a person / place / process is aware of the various ways that brains function and has options in place to accommodate those differences
• “masking” – Term used to describe an autistic person’s experience attempting to fit within societal expectations.  This may include suppressing stimming behavior, communicating in a way that the person has learned is expected (even though that’s not preferred), or avoiding talking about a special interest.  For many “high-masking” folks this behavior is exhausting and also prevents others from truly knowing the autistic individual.
• “on the spectrum” – This term arose from the DSM description of autism as Autism Spectrum Disorder to indicate that autism doesn’t show up the same for every autistic person.  This shift in language was made with the DSM-5 when “Asperger’s Syndrome” was removed from the DSM due to both recognition of issues with the man who coined the name and recognition that the symptoms were better explained as a manifestation of autism.  Current language tends to favor the use of “autistic” rather than “on the spectrum.”  An individual may also include their level of support needs, rather than a focus on level of functioning.  As always, honor the language that the autistic person chooses to describe themself.  

Some Stats & Facts

• Approximately 1 in 36 children and 1 in 45 adults in the US are diagnosed autistic.  This does not include folks who have not been officially diagnosed.  
• Autism does not go away.  Autistic folks do not become allistic as they age.  The variation in numbers from childhood to adulthood is likely due to a) many folks going unnoticed and undiagnosed as children due to their ability to meet the external requirements of school, and b) the ever-growing knowledge of autism that means today’s adults were children in a time when there was much less awareness of autism (and neurodivergence in general).  
• Boys are about 4x more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls.  This does not necessarily mean that autism is more prevalent in boys, but likely is connected to the ways that boys and girls are taught to socialize differently.  
• Research has shown that similar behaviors often lead to differing diagnoses based on a child’s racial or cultural background.  For example, white boys who display impulsivity are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD or autism, while Black boys who display the same behaviors are more likely to be diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  
• Many autistic people, particularly those assigned female at birth, go through years of mental health treatment and receive a variety of diagnoses prior to being accurately identified as autistic.  

What Does Autism Acceptance Look Like?

Respect communication differences.  One defining feature of autism is differences in communication.  This may mean that an autistic person is non-speaking and uses other visual methods to communicate.  This may mean that short bursts of text communication come more naturally, and that small talk feels unnecessary and overwhelming.  This may show up as a particular cadence in the autistic person’s speech or as a vocabulary that is beyond their chronological age.  Autistic communication differences can also mean the autistic person asks pointed questions in an attempt to fully understand a concept or interaction.  Acceptance means acknowledging those needs and preferences, even asking how you can help make communication more effective and following their lead when possible.  

Respect varying sensory needs.  Sensory experiences can be a central part of autism for many.  Some folks are sensory-seekers, constantly seeking out things to touch, smell, or taste.  Other autistic folks are extremely sensitive to sensory experiences and may be overwhelmed if someone is talking, there is food cooking, and the tag in their shirt is touching their skin (hi, it’s me!)  Many autistic folks engage in what is known as stimming, varying types of self-soothing and/or self-stimulating behavior.  This can take all sorts of forms, from flapping arms to twirling pens to constant feet movement.  Acceptance means creating space and opportunity for folks to move as needed, and to escape sensory overwhelm when needed, without judgement of these needs.  

Support autistic-led organizations.  This does not include Autism Speaks.  Although Autism Speaks is well-known, it is not respected among actually autistic folks due to emphasis on behavior change rather than acceptance and accommodation.  Additionally, this organization popularized the puzzle piece, which many autistic folks find offensive as we are not a puzzle to be solved nor are we missing some important piece. Seek out organizations that are autistic-led to learn more and offer support.  Some ideas are included in the resources shared below.  

Focus on connection over compliance.  Many opportunities for connection are lost when the focus is on compliance with expected or “acceptable” behavior.  The student who needs to move in order to engage in learning may be left feeling incompetent when the emphasis is on sitting still.  The person who enjoys one-on-one conversation may be left feeling isolated when the only options for interaction are in large groups.  The adolescent who is excited to share all the details about their favorite game may feel like a burden when they are asked to stop talking about their special interest.  Many autistic people have a strong desire to follow the “rules” for behavior, and also have a difficult time understanding exactly what those rules are in ever-changing social situations.  By focusing on connecting with the person rather than on ensuring they are abiding by some unwritten social code, you are showing awareness of human differences and acceptance of the individual.  

If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  The needs, preferences, behaviors, and reactions with one autistic person do not apply to all autistic people.  There are some commonalities amongst autistic people – communication differences, repetitive behaviors, etc.  Yet, these commonalities can look incredibly different from person to person.  Acknowledge that each autistic person is an individual and that they (or a trusted other, depending on the level of support needs) are best equipped to let you know their needs in the moment.  

Next Steps

Resources for Learning More

• Divergent Conversations podcast – Two AuDHD (autistic and ADHD) mental health professionals discuss topics related to neurodivergence and navigating a world not built for brain differences.  
• Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD – personal experience of late-identified autism alongside research 
• Autistics on Autism:  The Next Chapter edited by Kerry Magro – stories from actually autistic people
• Divergent Mind;  Thriving in a World that Wasn’t Designed for You by Jana Nerenberg – exploring neurodivergence with particular focus on women
• Neurodivergent Insights – website of Dr. Megan Anna Neff filled with information and resources related to neurodivergence
• Embrace Autism  – website that offers lots of information about autism, as well as assessments to assist with identifying possible autism
• LivedExperienceEducator on IG
• Neurodivergent_Lou on IG
• Patrick Casale on IG
• Autism in Black, Inc. on Facebook

**These are all resources that I, or trusted others, have found helpful.  However, that does not mean they will be helpful for everyone nor does it mean that everything the individuals behind the resources do will align with your way of being in the world.  Please take what is helpful, and leave the rest.**

ND-Affirming Evaluations

Are you wondering if you might be autistic or neurodivergent in some way?  I have been working toward being able to offer assessments for folks who are interested in figuring out if they are neurodivergent, with a focus on autism and ADHD.  This process has involved lots of personal learning and engaging in training to ensure that I am able to provide thorough evaluation in a supportive way.  

I am excited to announce that  I plan to begin offering neurodivergent-affirming assessments in June 2025.  These assessments will be available to adult (18+) individuals in North Carolina.  They will be completed over multiple sessions, with the exact number depending on the particular person’s needs and preferences.  More specific details are in the works and will be available on my website soon.  

If you’re interested in being notified when these assessment details are available, please complete this contact form and I’ll keep you updated.  

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Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma, and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. She also frequently supports late-identified neurodivergent individuals as they navigate the grief and relief of a new understanding of self.  You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle 

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