Autistic burnout is the all-encompassing overwhelm and exhaustion that often follows prolonged attempts to fit the standards of an environment that is not supportive of the autistic person’s needs and nervous system. This post is part 2 of a series on autistic burnout – you can read the first part here.
Some aspects of autistic burnout can also be helpful in understanding the experience of those dealing with other neurodivergences and/or disabilities. While I focus on specifically autistic burnout here, I encourage you to consider possible applications in your own life for yourself or someone you know.
Contributors to Autistic Burnout
Autistic burnout is generally not the result of any one thing. Often, multiple, ongoing demands contribute to autistic burnout.
Things that contribute to autistic burnout may include:
- Repeated denial or invalidation of experiences / needs. Sometimes an autistic person may not be fully aware of their needs. We might sense that something is “off” or uncomfortable, but we aren’t able to identify or communicate exactly what will make it better. Other times, we know what we need, but have difficulty getting that need met. This can occur for a variety of reasons. An autistic person may be in an office building where the fluorescent lighting hurts our eyes and the buzzing sound from the lights feels overwhelming, yet we are unable to control the lights and are aware that wearing sunglasses would be viewed as rude. So, we deny our own needs. Another example could be when an autistic individual requests a specific food, but the request is met by a response such as, “you can’t be hungry, you just ate” or “you can’t have that food again, you need something healthier.” The needs of the autistic person are invalidated. Long-term invalidation or denial of needs can increase disconnection from one’s body, making it increasingly difficult to notice needs before they become unbearable.
- Focus on external, observable behaviors. A focus on external behaviors is rampant in relation to autism. Diagnosis of autism utilizing the DSM (the book of criteria used to diagnose all mental health and neurodevelopmental concerns) is based on deficit-based descriptions of external behaviors. This has led to many folks with lower support needs or who masked more frequently to be overlooked and not diagnosed earlier in life. Many therapy options that are considered “gold standard” for autism are focused on changing external behaviors and teaching the autistic person to act more neurotypical (I’m looking at you, Applied Behavior Analysis / ABA). This focus on things that are external or observable by others can lead to increased camouflaging of self by autistic folks, encouraging suppression of needs in order to be accepted.
- Long-term misunderstanding of self. Many autistic folks have had frequent experiences of being misunderstood by others. Communication differences, such as differences in eye contact or more direct statements, can lead to being called rude, inattentive, or uncaring. Engagement in special interests can be viewed as “odd” or “quirky.” Many late-identified autistic folks – particularly those who did well academically and/or who were born prior to 2010-ish – have been given multiple mental health diagnoses that never fully explained our experience. Years of thinking you’re “broken” in some way takes a toll on one’s nervous system.
- Lack of informed support. For those of us who lived a large chunk of life not knowing we’re autistic, informed support was non-existent. We didn’t know how to understand or support ourselves, and no one else around us did either. However, an early diagnosis doesn’t guarantee informed support either. Burnout is more likely if those surrounding an autistic person – family, partners, friends, colleagues, etc. – have little to no understanding of neurodivergence or are unwilling to respect the autistic person’s needs.
- Major life transitions. Life transitions, even those we choose, are stressful. Things like the transition to high school or college, relocating, starting a new job, or moving in with a partner can exhaust an autistic nervous system and contribute to burnout.
- Chronic sensory mismatch. Each of us has specific sensory preferences and needs. These can include things like lighting, scents, textures of clothing, noise level, and temperature. Some folks thrive with less sensory input – quiet environments with low lighting and no added fragrances, for example. Others crave sensory input – things like energetic environments, loud music, spiky fidget items, or heavy blankets. Most of us have some mixture of sensory needs, preferring lots of input in some ways and limited input in others. Ongoing sensory mismatch can increase the likelihood of burnout. Personally, I am very sensitive to lighting and temperature, preferring to have air moving around me. My ideal environment includes adjustable lamps, controlled temperature that is on the cooler side, and availability of a portable fan. Previous experiences of working in offices where all lighting was overhead fluorescent bulbs and the temperature was controlled by a main setting meant 8-9 hours per day of not having my sensory needs met, contributing to burnout.
- Masking and navigating neurotypical expectations. Masking is the suppression of traits in order to appear more neurotypical. Sometimes this is a conscious choice of coping strategy in order to be accepted or to maintain personal safety. Other times, masking is done unconsciously and may even become part of an individual’s ongoing survival strategy. Some late-identified autistic individuals describe difficulty determining what characteristics are their authentic self and which ones are the result of lifelong masking. The work of suppressing aspects of oneself while constantly attempting to understand and perform neurotypical expectations is a common contributing factor to autistic burnout.
- Lack of opportunity for desired activities and interests. Participation in desired activities or devoting time to special interests can help prevent autistic burnout. When an autistic person is unable to pursue desired activities or interests – perhaps because the activity is deemed too time-consuming or not age appropriate, or because the person has too many other life commitments – their nervous system doesn’t have access to one of the most powerful regulation tools. This can lead to chronic dysregulation and eventually to autistic burnout.
Autistic burnout is the result of the cumulative impacts of an environment that dismisses needs, ignores signs of distress, and rewards masking. This environment may include those who care about the autistic person, or even the autistic individual themself. Whether from lack of awareness or from active rejection, autistic burnout is likely to occur when there is no space for the natural diversity in human neurotypes.
Supporting Recovery from Autistic Burnout
Autistic burnout is rooted in long-term disconnection from honoring needs and engaging in self-regulating activities. This kind of burnout is not overcome with a 1-week vacation. In fact, that may actually increase the level of burnout if it includes more expectations, changes in routine, and difficulties with meeting sensory needs. Autistic burnout recovery is generally a longer-term process and may at times look like laziness, avoidance, or depression (another reminder why it’s important not to rely only on external, observable behaviors for understanding).
What are some things that can be important in recovery from autistic burnout?
Support sensory needs and preferences. Pay attention to your unique sensory experience and, when possible, make accommodations to meet your needs and preferences. This may include wearing loose clothing with no tags, using a weighted blanket, drinking a cold (or hot) beverage, wearing noise-cancelling headphones, or turning off lights. The less your nervous system has to deal with sensory discomfort, the more room you’ll have for recovering from burnout.
Nourish your body. Feed yourself in ways that are accessible and enjoyable. Nourishment includes both the nutrients in foods as well as the experience of eating. If possible, allowing yourself the freedom to eat preferred foods in the most comforting ways provides another opportunity for your nervous system to rest from food-related demands.
Engage in supportive movement. What feels good to your body and nervous system? For many autistic people, being in water allows for supportive movement. Others may find that gentle stretching or taking a walk with a beloved dog provide opportunities to move in ways that are enjoyable and supportive of recovery. This is not about how much or how fast you can do an activity, but about embracing movement that allows your nervous system to regulate and be soothed.
Spend time unmasking in safe environments. Most autistic people don’t mask by choice. Many of us learned from an early age that it was necessary to suppress certain aspects of ourselves in order to be acceptable in the world. Unmasking can be difficult when you’re not always sure when/what is the mask. When you’ve had repeated experiences of being told that your authentic, autistic self is not acceptable, it may be difficult to unmask. If you’re able to find environments where it is safe to unmask, to show up exactly as you are and not be fearful of the response, unmasking can provide a deep sense of rest for your nervous system.
Find a supportive rhythm. What daily, weekly, or monthly rhythms would your brain and body naturally follow if there were no expectations from outside forces? This may include things like times for waking and sleeping, patterns of eating, or if/when you go outside your home. To the extent possible, find ways to follow this natural flow that supports your unique nervous system.
Engage in special interests. What are the things that you could do for hours without realizing any time has passed? What are the topics that you love learning and talking about? Make it a point to engage in those things. Make time for the play, enjoyment, and focus that come with engaging in your special interests. Burnout recovery is about including the things that bring joy to your neurotype as much as possible.
Drop unnecessary demands. What are the things you’re doing that are not necessary for your survival? Where could accommodations be made to decrease the demand on your nervous system? Maybe you / your household members can drop the extracurricular commitments for a while and allow more space to just exist. Perhaps your job could allow for a hybrid schedule or a move to a quieter office space in order to decrease the sensory demands. You might decide to utilize convenience foods or meal prep services for a period to relieve the demands of cooking. Any demands that you can negotiate or remove from your schedule will create space for your nervous system to recover from burnout.
Rest! This is the big one, and the one that is often so difficult for many of us. Capitalism, mom guilt, chronic fear of failure, and being rewarded for performance all contribute to struggles with rest. Yet, rest is the key to recovering from autistic burnout.
Next Steps
Have these posts about autistic burnout resonated with you? Perhaps you or someone you care about is experiencing this deep burnout. Maybe you’re struggling to figure how you can find recovery in the context of your day-to-day life. I offer neuro-affirming ADHD/Autism Assessments and neurodivergent-affirming therapy for adults in North Carolina. I’m happy to provide a free, 15-minute virtual consultation to see if my services might be a good fit for you. You can contact me here.
Additional Resources
Autistic Therapist Directory – This UK-based directory has listings for therapists throughout the world, with a focus on connecting autistic clients with autistic therapists.
Neurodivergent Insights – Dr. Megan Anna Neff, an AuDHD psychologist, provides a plethora of mental health and wellness resources around topics related to neurodivergence. There is even a section focused on burnout.
Divergent Conversations Podcast – This podcast, hosted by 2 AuDHD mental health professionals – Patrick Casale, LCMHC and Dr. Megan Anna Neff – covers a variety of topics related to neurodivergence and particularly to autism and ADHD. There are even a few episodes focused on autistic burnout.
Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma, and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. She also frequently supports late-identified neurodivergent individuals as they navigate the grief and relief of a new understanding of self. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
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