Some interactions with a therapist provide reassurance that you have found a good fit. I refer to these as green flags, and share a few of them in this post. This is the third post in a series, so if you haven’t read about red flags in therapy or yellow flags in therapy, I encourage you to check out those posts as well.
What are some of the green flags in therapy, the things that provide evidence of a good connection with your therapist?
Honesty About Expertise and Results
You may have viewed many therapist’s websites or online profiles in your search for the right one. Likely, you came across at least one where there were 20-30 areas of expertise listed, everything from ADHD to bipolar disorder to substance use to schizophrenia. Now, depending on a therapist’s training and previous work experience, they may have worked with folks who have a great variety of concerns, and they may be able to provide therapy to a wide variety of people. However, it’s not possible for one person to truly specialize in 20 different issues. Look for someone who is clear about their areas of training and expertise, and who is willing to refer you to another provider if they believe you will be best served by someone else.
A frequently asked question when you’re looking to start therapy is about the expected results and timeframe. These cannot be fully known nor gauranteed up front! For example, if I am beginning work with someone around DBT-based (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skills, I can advise them that going through the skills generally takes about a year and then I recommend continued work to integrate the skills into real life. I can also let them know that I’ve worked with several folks who have stuck with therapy and practiced the skills outside of therapy, and who have experienced major shifts in their lives. However, I will not promise certain results within a specific timeframe because there are too many variables and every person’s needs vary. Look for someone who is open about these variables and doesn’t make specific promises before your work together has even begun.
Consent, Confidentiality, and Boundaries
It’s a green flag in therapy when your consent is sought and respected throughout the process. The consent process starts even before the first session when you are provided information about the therapist and their policies related to providing therapy. Look for someone who clearly outlines their policies for scheduling, canceling, and payment. They may also include information about potential risks and benefits related to therapy, as well as specifics about any specialty therapies they offer. A green flag means you are provided information, given a chance to get satisfactory answers to any questions you might have, and have freedom of choice in signing paperwork and working with the therapist.
What are some green flags around confidentiality? A therapist who address confidentiality from the beginning of your work together, making it clear how they protect your information and under what circumstances they may break confidentiality. A therapist who provides services in a private space and has measures in place to prevent confidentiality breaches. These measures may include things like white noice machines outside offices, soundproofing in buildings, and extra cybersecurity on devices.
Another green flag can be found in how your therapist handles professional boundaries. The therapuetic relationship can be powerful, and for many people it’s one of the few (possibly the only) place they feel freedom to be honest and vulnerable without fear of judgment, and where they experience having their emotions and reactions validated. It’s normal for a client to want to connect with their therapist in other ways outside the therapy session, AND it’s important for the therapist to communicate and maintain professional boundaries.
What do professional boundaries look like? One example is that I do not initiate acknowledging a client if I see them out in public. This respects their confidentiality, and they are free to acknowledge me or not. This boundary is included in my initial paperwork and I discuss it with clients if it’s likely we might run into one another in public. Another example is the fact that I do not engage with clients on social media – they are welcome to follow my public, professional pages where I share information about mental health and my services, but I do not friend/follow back in order to allow us both to maintain personal privacy. Professional boundaries help provide clarity between our work together in therapy versus the type of relationship you might have with a friend or family member.
Look for a provider who seeks your consent throughout the therapy process, who respects your confidentiality, and maintains professional boundaries.
Space for Conversation & Correction
How your therapist reacts when you bring up potentially sensitive topics and/or feedback about their approach can have a big impact on how safe you feel in therapy. Do you find yourself feeling free to bring up any topic in therapy or do you notice you sensor what you share? When you’re therapist is off-base with their understanding of your situation or reaction, do you feel freedom to let them know they missed the mark? Are you able to let your therapist know when something is not working for you in the therapeutic relationship?
It’s natural for some topics to feel more vulnerable than others. Look for a therapist who helps you share the vulnerable parts, and who offers you space to hold the hard things. Look for a therapist who allows you to be the expert on your experience. This includes that the therapist is open to you letting them know when they’re off-base with an assumption or reflection of what they heard. Look for a therapist who helps you feel safe to bring your concerns about therapy into the session. These are all green lights.
You Feel Heard & Understood
Another green flag in therapy is that you feel heard and understood by your therapist. This doesn’t mean there won’t be instances where your therapist misunderstands or misinterprets what you’re sharing – they are human. However, it does mean that overall you have a sense of being listened to, seen, and understood. This can show up in the freedom you feel to talk about any topic with your therapist. You may notice that you trust your therapist to be present with you regardless of what you share and to help you navigate whatever concerns you bring to a session. It can also show up in your body during the therapy session. You may notice that your shoulders release or your jaw unclenches, that you’re able to relax into your chair/couch, and that you feel a physical sense of release during your session with your therapist.
Your Therapist Has Experience as a Client
I believe that the most effective therapists have also had experience being on the other side and receiving therapy themselves. You can ask your therapist if they have ever seen their own therapist. While it is not appropriate for them to share all the details related to that, it is appropriate for you to inquire about that and for a therapist to let you know whether they do or don’t have experience being a client. While it’s not necessarily a deal breaker if a therapist does not have personal experience being a client in therapy, it can be a green flag if they do have their own experience as a client.
What Next?
You’ve read about some of the red, yellow, and green flags related to therapy. If you have connected with a therapist who displays lots of green flags, keep showing up (both physically and mentally/emotionally) for your sessions and do the work of addressing your specific concerns.
If you’re still looking for a therapist, and are located in North Carolina, feel free to look around my website and contact me if you’d like to schedule a consultation or first appointment.
If you’re located outside of NC, or have needs/preferences you don’t think I can meet, you can always do a Google search for terms like: “mental health therapist”, “[location]”, “[concern]” and check out the providers who come up. You can also search the following databases: TherapyDen, Inclusive Therapists, Therapy for Black Girls, Reclamation Collective (religious trauma therapists), Open Path Collective (lower fee therapists).
Michelle F. Moseley is a licensed clinical mental health counselor providing telehealth services in the state of North Carolina. She specializes in providing support for folks who struggle with feelings of not being enough, which often stem from messages of being “too much.” She works from a trauma-informed perspective, and believes that ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and to feel heard. Learn more about Michelle by visiting www.MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
