Is proclaiming the title “queen” in relation to your work with folks healing from religious trauma a reenactment of the same toxic power dynamics that lead to harm in high-control religion?  

I was scrolling through Instagram a few days ago, as one does, and came across a story that had been shared by some podcast hosts [see screenshot below].  They were promoting an upcoming interview with Laura E. Anderson, PhD on topics related to healing from religious harm, and they referred to her as “the queen.”  

A few stories later, I saw where Laura had shared the same story, including the same reference to her as “the queen.”  

This set off all of the “toxic power dynamics” bells in my nervous system!!  

A Word About Laura Anderson

I want to be clear that this post is not written to bash Laura.  She is a human being like all the rest of us, containing both characteristics that are admirable and those that are less so.  Some of the ways she chooses to interact with social media and with topics related to religious trauma are not the options I have / would choose, AND she is totally within her right to choose to act / interact in those ways.  

Laura Anderson has contributed greatly to areas of knowledge and healing in relation to harm experienced within high-control religion.  I have benefitted from her work, and will likely continue to recommend resources such as her book “When Religion Hurts You” and podcast episodes featuring her that resonate with the concerns presented by those I work with around religious trauma.   

However, I have also noticed what feels like a trend toward an “expert stance” in the things she shares and the way she speaks.  In fact, her website includes the tagline “Religious Trauma Expert.” Sometimes it feels as though she is presenting herself as the first (and possibly only) person to identify themes within high-control religion.  This is simply not true, and I am not the only one who is feeling some “ick” around this apparent shift.  

I think of folks like Marlene Winell of Journey Free, Brian Peck, Anna Clark Miller of Empathy Paradigm, and Kayla and Kendra from Reclamation Collective who were publicly doing work around these topics (sometimes alongside Laura) for the last decade or so.  I also think about folks like Craig Cashwell, PhD. and Laura Swindle, PhD, who are less known to the general public, but who have been doing work related to spiritual health and harm for years.  

The Use of the title “Queen”

What’s the big deal about the use of the title “Queen” in a social media post?  

I acknowledge that Laura did not post the original story that referred to her as “queen.”  However, she did choose to repost that story.  That leads me to believe she did not have an issue with being referred to by the term.  

“Queen” literally refers to a “female ruler” or “the most powerful chess piece.”  (Thank you, Dictionary.com)

The harms that occur within high-control religion are almost always the result of an imbalance or misuse of power. The inidividuals with the most power demand respect as experts and seem to move others out of the way with ease.

Those who have experienced harm in high-control religious contexts have frequently had all aspects of their lives controlled in some way by those in power.  This may include:  being told how to dress, strict guidelines around when and what to eat, not being allowed to control their own finances, being trained to look to their leader(s) for permission and/or direction in all aspects of life.  In essence, high-control religion means that those who are involved are under the direction of the most powerful ruler within the group.  Some may even say this sounds similar to the idea of a king or queen.  

Survivors of the harms caused in these high-control environments are often left quite emotionally raw.  They’ve been indoctrinated to believe they must look outside themselves for answers, yet they have also been harmed by the very leader(s) they looked to for this guidance.  Often, though a survivor desires freedom and autonomy, they are drawn to those who promise answers and exude authority.  

It could be very easy for a therapist or someone well-known for talking about religious harm to begin to embody the same harmful traits of the leaders within high-control religion.  

For myself and some of my colleagues in the mental health field who are also survivors of religious abuse, the stance of appearing as the authority on topics related to high-control religion raises concern about recreating the dynamics that were so harmful in the first place.

A Final Word

As a licensed mental health professional, it’s important that I remain aware of the power dynamic that can come into play when working with clients or talking with folks who have been impacted by religious abuse.  Though I have both lived experience and years of clinical training in working with the impacts of high-control religion, it is integral that I remain humble in the knowledge that I cannot know the best path for everyone.  I must honor each individual’s autonomy and independence in moving forward in their healing journey.  I am available to support them with clinical interventions, skills, and encouragement.  I refuse to be their leader, guru, or queen!  

If you have experienced religious abuse or harm within a high-control religion, and are looking for support for your mental health, I encourage you to be aware of the possibility that the same toxic power dynamics could occur in the therapeutic relationship.  When someone claims to be the sole expert or to have the only solution to your concerns, trust those alarm bells you hear inside. 

For those who are providing support to survivors in a professional capacity, I encourage you to check in with yourself about how you view your role and how that impacts the way you approach those you’re supporting.  It is likely that you know things that your client does not about trauma and healing.  It’s also integral that you remember that each person is the expert on themselves and deserves to have their autonomy encouraged and respected.  

Let’s all work to avoid the hierarchy of a “Queen” (or other most powerful leader) within the work of healing from religious trauma.

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Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle 

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