It can be difficult to manage emotions, make decisions, and take care of daily tasks when things feel chaotic. Chaos may come from inside yourself, such as racing thoughts or chronic illness Or it may come from outside yourself, such as in your interactions with others or news of global happenings.

Regardless of the source, it can be helpful to have some guidance in regulating your emotions so you can figure out how to deal with the chaos.

What is Emotion Dysregulation?

What does emotional dysregulation look like? It might look like feeling more irritable than usual, or feeling hopeless in the face of each incoming piece of information. You may find yourself withdrawing from others. You may be experiencing physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, body aches and pains, digestive issues, of difficulty with sleep.

Helpful Tips for Regulating Your Emotions

Here are a few options that may be helpful in moments when you’re feeling particularly activated or dysregulated:

APPLY COLD WATER

There is a reason that grandmothers of the past told folks to “splash some cold water on your face” when overwhelmed. The exposure to cold activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps bring on calm. Depending on your location and the availability of items, you can expose yourself to cold water in the following ways:

• splash some cold water on your face like grandma said
• place a cool washcloth on your forehead, back of neck, or wrists
• place an ice pack on your forehead, back of neck, or wrists
• fill a large bowl with water, add some ice, and dunk your face into the water for a brief period of time (don’t try this one if you have heart issues)

SHAKE IT OUT

Sometimes all that “nervous energy” gets trapped inside your body and you need a release. Any kind of intense (as defined by you and your body) movement can help take the physical ‘edge’ off when you’re feeling dysregulated. Here are some examples of movement that you may find helpful:

• shake or dance around just allowing your body to move in ways that feel good and use up some of the excess energy trapped inside
• do some jumping jacks
• go for a run or brisk walk

GET INTENTIONAL WITH YOUR BREATHING

You’ve likely heard someone say to take deep breaths when you’re upset. This can be helpful in relaxing your body and ensuring you’re getting enough oxygen, since our breathing tends to become shallow when our nervous systems are activated. However, some folks find it helpful to take this idea one step further with something called paced breathing. Paced breathing involves taking a full, deep inhale, and then focusing on exhaling for approximately 2 seconds longer than the inhale. Some folks like a 4-6 rhythm (that is inhale for 4 seconds, and exhale for 6). Others prefer 5-7, or some other combination altogether. Do what feels helpful to you, and focus on ensuring the exhale is about 2 seconds longer.

JOURNAL

Sometimes the chaos in or around us can get quite disorderly in our minds and needs a place to go. Writing it down can be extremely helpful in getting it out of your head and allowing you time to figure out what’s most important. Actually using a pen and paper can be most effective because the act of physically writing forces our brains to slow down and allows our thoughts to sort themselves out in a very particular way. However, if you prefer typing or even recording your thoughts/concerns, you can still find relief from getting them outside your head. And, try not to focus on the format of your journaling. Whether recorded as a letter, a story, bullet points, or stream of consciousness, the release and opportunity to regulate is stil there.

FIND A PLEASURABLE ACTIVITY

I often talk with clients about identifying some activities that are pleasurable to help overcome emotional difficulties. Now, reading a book or spending time in nature are not cures for the chaos that exists, but taking time to do something you enjoy or that gives you a sense of accomplishment can help refresh your perspective on difficult aspects of life.

ADVOCATE TO MAKE A CHANGE

Once you’re feeling more regulated in your own nervous system, and have had a chance to reflect on what’s most important to you, it may be time to take action on a wider scale. This can take so many forms depending on the specific concern or source of chaos. Change may mean choosing to begin therapy and address the ways that unhelpful family patterns show up in yourself. It may mean connecting with local leaders to be active ‘on the ground’ in your local community. It may mean contacting state and national representatives to lobby for changes.

From the immediate and individual options to the more large-scale options, I hope that one or more of these is helpful for you the next time you’re feeling dysregulated or like the world in and around you is chaotic.

Next Steps

If you’re located in NC, and seeking to connect with a licensed mental health professional, you can learn more about me and contact me on my website. I specialize in working with body image concerns and survivors of religious trauma, and also have experience working with anxiety, grief, life transitions and a variety of other concerns. I offer a 20-minute, free consultation so we can chat about what you’re looking for before scheduling a first appointment. You can contact me here if you’re interested in working together.

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Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NC and a Registered Telehealth Provider in FL. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle