What does the recent visit of Ukrainian President Zelensky to the Oval Office have to do with religious trauma?
By now, you’re probably aware that Volodymyr Zelensky, the President of Ukraine, visited the US at the end of February for a meeting about bringing an end to the current war in his country. You’ve likely heard about the contentious meeting that occurred, and have your own thoughts about the interaction.
Let me share with you what so many survivors of abuse – religious or otherwise – saw when they watched that interaction between Zelenksy, US President Trump, and US Vice President Vance.
They saw the same abuses of power that they experienced in their own abusive situations.
Setting the Stage
Most abuse survivors know the routine of setting the stage for the interaction. In the case of the Zelensky visit, he is coming to a meeting in the home office of another leader who has recently had discussions about Ukraine without Zelensky present. This is similar to the way that many spiritually abusive situations are structured. The location is one that gives one party the upper hand, literally being “on their turf” if you will. The events surrounding the meeting often also cause a sense of distrust or anxiety regarding what is about to happen.
The next tactic of misusing power and control is to control the discourse from first sight. In the case of Zelensky, this was done via a comment about his clothing, specifically the fact that he was not wearing a suit for a meeting in the Oval Office. It is well-known in history that leaders of countries in distress (such as Ukraine at this time) frequently choose to not wear a suit as a way of showing solidarity with their fellow citizens. The clothing was a non-issue that set the tone for the interaction, and was a distraction for many who have since heard the comment.
It is common for perpetrators of abuse to take control of interactions early on. This is frequently done with distracting or accusatory comments, such as that mentioned above.
Attempted Discussion
In the early part of the interaction inside the Oval Office, we see that Zelensky attempts to participate in conversation. He is trying to engage the others in the room on the topic at-hand. He addresses the various approaches that have been taken during the course of the war, and attempts to make a connection that the US will eventually feel the impacts, even if we have a “nice ocean” separating us from that right now.
It is clear that none of the others in the room are there to listen. We hear someone make another comment about Zelensky not wearing a suit. Trump repeatedly speaks over Zelensky. Vance speaks harshly toward Zelensky, shifting the subject and demanding appreciation.
These are common tactics of power and control within abusive situations. Survivors of abuse recall not being able to speak or communicate their thoughts, feelings, and experience. They have often been spoken over or had their words twisted and then turned back toward them in demanding and/or dehumanizing ways.
Allied Attack
Another common aspect of abuse is that the perpetrator has others present as allies. The main perpetrator and the allies empower one another to manipulate power and control in ways that none of them would typically do if they were acting alone. We see this in the February 28th, 2025 Oval Office interaction as Vance interjects into the interaction between Trump and Zelensky. Vance begins demanding a show of appreciation – diverting from the actual words just spoken by Zelensky and creating a two-against-one scenario.
Survivors of abuse also recognize this tactic. In my own experience of spiritual abuse (which I wrote more about here), the perpetrator frequently had his spouse present. The spouse would emphasize what had been said, occasionally adding additional words of disdain or reprimand. When this type of allied attack occurs, the interaction becomes even more confusing and overwhelming and the principal perpetrator looks less like “the bad guy” because others are echoing his words.
Shut Down
There is a point in the Oval Office interaction that every abuse survivor recognizes. Zelensky sits back slightly, drops his previously crossed arms, and is demonstrably resigned to the reality of the situation. This is not a discussion, and it was not designed to cultivate an opportunity to listen to one another and find resolution. He has shut down, doing what is necessary to survive the remainder of the interaction.
Abuse survivors know this experience well. Your mind recognizes that you are not going to be respected or heard. Your body moves from a protective, defensive stance (those crossed arms in the previous image) to a defeated position. You resign yourself to surviving the moment.
The Same Playbook
Whether it’s a world leader, a controlling boss, or a manipulative parent / partner, the misuse of power and control are the central themes of the playbook for all abuse.
If you resonate with the descriptions above, you may have experienced an abusive relationship. If you watched the interaction between Zelensky, Trump, and the others in the Oval Office and felt a bodily reaction to what you were seeing, it’s likely you have experienced abuse within a relationship. For anyone who recognized those tactics as being common within their own religious space, that’s spiritual abuse.
The more aware we all are of the playbook that abusers (of all types) use, the better we can recognize the misuse of power and control. If you are seeking support as you navigate healing from your own abusive experience, I encourage you to seek out a licensed mental health professional who understands these abuse dynamics. I work with folks located in NC, and you are welcome to contact me to schedule a free, 15-minute virtual consultation to see we might be a good fit for working together.
Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma, and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. She also frequently supports late-identified neurodivergent individuals as they navigate the grief and relief of a new understanding of self. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
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