The Anniversary of Trauma

Today, February 6th, is an anniversary of trauma for me – a trauma-versary, if you will.

Individuals who have experienced any type of trauma often have specific dates or seasons that are associated with their experience. It’s not uncommon for a trauma-versary to be acknowledged in a therapy session when a client shares that they are experiencing an increase in symptoms or feeling more on edge. The discussion of higher anxiety or even physical illness may lead to a realization that the date of a loved one’s death is just around the corner or that we’re entering a season of the year that was particularly difficult for them in the past.

Image of a white calendar page in a spiral notebook with squares outlined in black and numbers representing the date. A square near the center of the image reads "trauma-versary" in red letters.

My Trauma-Versary

For me, February 6th will likely always feel a little tender. February 6, 2013 was the day that multiple years of spiritual, mental, and emotional abuse culminated in a realization that I had to leave the ministry role and organization that I had felt was a life calling. The events of that day made me aware that the culture of the organization was not going to change, that the ongoing issues would continue to be swept under the rug, and that the lack of integrity from every level of leadership I interacted with was not something I could continue to attempt to align with.

Despite knowing I had to choose to leave, it still felt like my whole world imploded.

I have done a lot of hard work to heal from that experience. I’m thankful to be in a much healthier place now. It is an honor to support others who have experienced religious or spiritual harm in finding their own healing. Because of my personal experience and professional training, I am able to provide education to mental health professionals to help ensure that knowledgeable and empathetic providers are available in various locations. I have even had opportunities to work with ministry leaders to help them be more trauma-sensitive and decrease the likelihood that spiritual harm occurs in their settings.

Yet, the trauma-versary remains.

Evidence of a Trauma-Versary

Folks don’t always have a specific date associated with their traumatic experience(s). There may not be a specific memory or a conscious awareness related to a person’s trauma. While some individuals may recognize specific changes in their mood or physical health around a trauma-versary, others may have more of an experience of something unknown just being “off.”

What are some ways that a trauma-versary might show up in a survivor’s mind, body, and life?

Dreams or flashbacks. Survivors of trauma may experience dreams that become more vivid or more focused on the trauma as they near an anniversary of trauma. A trauma survivor may also experience flashbacks, moments where they feel that they are literally back in the situation/event. These are common symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), but may increase in frequency around trauma-versaries.
Recalling events or memories in a different way. The way that a trauma survivor thinks about or talks about their experience may shift as the anniversary of a trauma approaches. Sometimes new connections are made or a shift in understanding of the experience occurs. For example, it will not be unexpected for some of the folks who experienced Hurricane Helene in western NC in late September 2024 to experience their memories and recollections of that with a bit more vulnerability as late September approaches in future years.
Heightened Emotions / Feeling “on edge.” Trauma survivors may feel more reactive around the anniversary of a traumatic experience. This may mean that tears come to the surface a bit more frequently, or that you feel agitated and aren’t sure why. Some folks describe feeling as though their nervous system is vibrating or reverberating with excess energy.
Headaches. Body Tension. That excess energy in the nervous system can show up physically. Folks may experience body tension, aches and pains, and/or headaches more frequently or in a different way around the anniversary of trauma.
Digestive Issues. The digestive system, or gut, is intricately connected with the nervous system. Things like indigestion, constipation, diarrhea, or nausea may become more common around trauma-versaries. Folks may also notice having cravings or desires for certain foods or types of food – crunchy, spicy, etc.
Sleep Issues. Restful sleep can be difficult for lots of trauma survivors. Trauma-verseries can mean more or different sleep issues arise. Some folks experience more difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep around the anniversary of their trauma. For others, they may experience exhaustion from their activated nervous system and feel they can’t get enough rest regardless of how much they sleep.
Reactions toward certain places, events, or traditions. Trauma survivors commonly have certain places, people, or events that are associated with their trauma. Time, therapy, and healing can help some folks have little to no reaction to those associations as a general standard in their daily life. Yet, the reactions may shift around trauma-versaries. This could vary from the person who notices a desire to physically “shrug it off” when a particular name is mentioned to someone who intentionally avoids a particular tradition due to the association with their trauma experience.

These are just some of the ways that a trauma-versary may show itself in the life of a trauma survivor. Be aware that an individual who is actively experiencing PTSD symptoms may experience all the aforementioned things and more on a regular basis. The frequency and severity of the impacts should always be taken into consideration when figuring out how to best support yourself or someone else around the anniversary of trauma.

How to Manage a Trauma-Versary

If you are experiencing ongoing symptoms related to trauma that are disrupting your life, please seek out a trauma-informed, licensed mental health professional to help support you with therapy and/or medication. Some helpful resources for locating support include these directories: Inclusive Therapists, Mental Health Match, Trauma Therapist Network, EMDRIA Directory (EMDR Certified Therapists), Somatic Experiencing Directory.

If you find yourself approaching a trauma-versary, here are a few ways to help manage the impacts:

Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that things might feel a bit harder around the anniversary of trauma. Think of yourself as someone who is freshly out of a cast from a broken limb – the limb can function, but it needs a bit of extra compassion and gentleness.
Plan for ways to meet your needs. Think about what your needs might be around the trauma-versary and do what you can to plan to meet those needs. Do you have preferred ways to feed and hydrate yourself? Would you prefer to have more down time to rest and relax or more activities to help occupy your time? What are some accessible ways to move your body, get fresh air, or enjoy a hobby?
Control your schedule to the extent you’re able. This is part of planning for your needs, and also is dependent on your specific circumstances – some folks have more ability to control their schedule than others. Controlling your schedule may mean things like taking a day off, actively setting a boundary around how / if you’ll attend an event, or scheduling a fun outing with a supportive person.
Lean on trusted support people. It can be difficult for trauma survivors to trust others and find safe connections, and trauma-versaries can be an important time to lean on those trusted support people. Who knows your story and has a history of showing up when you need them? Who might you feel comfortable telling that you’re having a rough day / week / season? Whether it’s a partner, family member, friend, or therapist, allow these trusted people to support you in the ways that fit their role in your life.

February 6th will likely always be a date on the calendar where I feel a bit more tender, where the recollections of my trauma show up just a bit differently in my mind and body. I’ve been making use of some of these tips to manage my own trauma-versary, and hope the same for other trauma survivors in facing the anniversary of your trauma experience(s).

Michelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in NC. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma, and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. She also frequently supports late-identified neurodivergent individuals as they navigate the grief and relief of a new understanding of self. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle

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