Experiencing an injury within a faith system is being wounded by faith. Some folks may resonate more with the phrase “wounded by faith”, rather than the concept of religious trauma, to describe their experience of being harmed within a faith system.
These injuries can take a variety of forms, and they can’t be healed by covering them with a bandage. The wounds may occur within an organized faith community such as a church, or in a more loosely organized, spiritually-focused group. Faith wounds can occur as leaders interact with participants. They can also occur within the group, and even within one’s own internal spiritual life.
Some Common Types of Faith Wounds
ABUSE OF POWER BY LEADERS – Folks can be wounded by faith when those who are in leadership positions are not careful with their power. Leaders may surround themselves with others who are unwilling or unable to challenge the leader’s ideas. A leader may make requests of a participant in a way that cannot be declined based on the power dynamic at play.
PHYSICAL ABUSE – Some belief systems teach that physical punishment is the best way to handle disobedience. This can lead to parents who utilize physical force to the point of harming their children, or adults who harm themselves physically as a way to “pay” for being bad or sinful.
SEXUAL ABUSE – This type of wound occurs when someone within the faith system has a power-driven, sexually-based interaction with another person. A dynamic of unequal power is always at play in these scenarios – priests and children, pastor and congregant, older child to younger child, etc. Sexual abuse can also occur within marriage, especially in a faith systems that teach submission of one gender to another and/or that one’s body belongs to their partner.
PURITY CULTURE – Sexual abuse may also be the intertwined with teaching of purity culture. Purity Culture is a common name for the teachings around “staying pure” until marriage (i.e. not having sex), often taught in evangelical Christian and other conservative belief systems. Some of the harmful teachings that may be part of purity culture include: men can’t control their sexual desire/actions, women are responsible for covering their body to protect men from lusting, lack of education regarding bodily/sexual development, being taught your body is “dirty”, difficulty with sexual pleasure when one does become sexually active (even if that’s within marriage).
ECONOMIC CONTROL – Many faith systems include some guidance around giving a portion of one’s income back toward the faith. However, this guidance can move into the realm of control in various ways. Some examples of economic control that I have heard from folks are:
- requiring one’s tax return from previous year to determine what they must give the church
- continually adding to requirements for staff, and withholding income when new requirements are not met
- forceful conversations around expectations for the amount of money someone has given the faith organization, regardless of the person’s financial situation
- preferential treatment of those who give more
GENDER EXCLUSION – While this can occur toward any gender, I most often hear from women who have been excluded solely based on gender from activities or roles for which they felt a strong calling toward. This can also include being forced into roles or activities solely based on gender that are not a good fit for someone. I have heard from so many wise, educated, passionate women who were not allowed to teach or be part of the decision-making group in their faith community. They are left to attempt to heal the wound of being banned from doing the very thing they feel their higher power is asking them to do.
EXCLUSION / CONDEMNATION BASED ON SEXUALITY – Many faith systems have treated (and still treat) LGBTQ+ folks horribly. Some folks may feel like this is a complex issue due to the specifics of their belief system. However, regardless of one’s specific beliefs, being treated as less than human, being told of your condemnation to eternal punishment, and being excluded from a community of faith where you yearn to belong are experiences that leave wounds.
EXPECATION TO “GIVE ALL” – Many belief systems focus on giving of self toward the higher good, as identified by that belief system. The act of giving all you have to give, and then some, is often celebrated. There is no room for discussion of boundaries around what one can give, or caring for self in order to be able to give long-term. This can lead to a pattern of folks being “on fire” for a short period of time – involved in everything and always giving of themselves – and then fizzling out. After they fizzle out, these folks often feel forgotten and are hurt by the lack of care and compassion from the community they have given so much to.
LACK OF SUPPORT IN DIFFICULT TIMES – Part of the appeal of a faith community is the idea of community – having a group of people who know what’s going on in your life and who show up to support you in whatever way is needed. We have a natural human desire to feel heard and known, to receive support from others when things are difficult. When that doesn’t happen, it can be a wound for the person who feels overlooked or abandoned.
One example from my own life occurred when I was a single lady in my late 20s. My air conditioner was having some type of issue and there was excess condensation. I needed some help to figure out the problem. I posted this need on my church’s online bulletin board. The pastor commented a wet/dry vac might be helpful and said he had one – didn’t offer to let me borrow it or to come help me out, didn’t respond when I asked if he was available to assist. I was left to figure it out on my own, with a hefty price tag for a simple job. This was a difficult time for me, and I did not feel supported by my faith community.
POLITICAL ALIGNMENT OF GROUP – I have talked with so many folks over the past few years who have been harmed by the way their faith community has aligned with certain political ideologies. Many of these people have been left with questions around how those who claim to believe in love, grace, and acceptance of the “least of these” can support politicians, ideas, and movements that are antithetical to those very beliefs. For some, this wound has been on more of ideological level, while for others, it has been very personal based on their own identities.
LIVED EXPERIENCE DENIED OR MINIMIZED – I believe it is one of the most connecting things in life when we trust someone with our story and it is heard and validated. Alternately, one of the most wounding experiences is to have our story dismissed. This can happen when the story of our experience is met with things like “well, it could’ve been worse” or “let me tell you about what happened to this other person I know.” Another way this wound can show up is when our lived experience is denied by comments like, “I didn’t experience it that way” with no room for the possibility that your experience can still be true even if it’s different. When this happens in your faith community, you learn that it’s dangerous to be authentic and may even start to question your own experiences.
MENTAL HEALTH NEEDS DISMISSED – I recognize that I’m likely bias, but I believe that all of us can benefit from talking with a therapist at various times in our lives. Wounds can grow and fester when not addressed in a healthy manner by the appropriate person, and sometimes that person is a licensed mental health professional.
Some belief systems dismiss mental health altogether. Others believe the faith leaders should be able to handle any concerns. Many faith communities direct folks to deal with mental health by doing things such pray more, read Scriptures, or deny themselves in some way. For a person who is struggling with their mental health and who already feels like they’re doing all they can to live out their beliefs, the lack of appropriate care can be a lethal wound.
LOSS OF COMMUNITY / FRIENDS / FAMILY – This one is sometimes an expected wound – knowing that beginning to question or change your beliefs is going to cause you to lose some relationships. Other times the loss is an unexpected injury to your already wounded self. For those who have grown up within a faith system or for whom their beliefs have permeated their entire being, the loss of community cuts deeply. They may ask: How do I make friends? Did these people even care about me? How can my family disown me?
Healing the Wound
How can you find healing when you’ve been wounded by faith?
Each person’s journey to healing is unique. You may find yourself deconstructing your beliefs – questioning and reevaluating them in order to determine what still holds true for you. You may find yourself choosing to walk away from faith practices entirely. You may find a different belief system that allows you to hold onto the beliefs important to you, while decreasing the likelihood you will continue to be wounded. Or your path may look completely different from any of those I just described.
A huge part of my own journey in healing from my wounding by faith was working with a therapist who was respectful of my process and helped me understand the responses my brain and body were having to those wounds, which I experienced as religious trauma. Having a strong therapeutic relationship may be part of your journey as well.
Some things to consider when looking for a therapist to discuss being wounded by faith:
- Do they understand religious trauma? Wounds that occur within a faith system can have some unique aspects, so it’s important to work with someone who understands this. You may want to ask about their familiarity with religious trauma, and with your specific belief system, as well as about any additional training they have had in the area.
- Do you connect with them? Pay attention to how you feel when you’re interacting with a potential therapist. You may be able to schedule a short consultation prior to having an official appointment. If so, utilize this time to ask any questions that you have and notice how the interaction feels. One of, if not the, most powerful aspects of therapy is the relationship a client has with their therapist. It’s important that you feel heard and validated. If you work with a therapist long-term, there will likely be missteps in the relationship (you are both humans interacting after all), but feeling connected with your therapist can go a long way in being able to repair those moments and find your way toward healing.
- Do they respect your process? For many folks who have been wounded by faith, part of their story is a power dynamic where their opinions, desires, and/or consent were not honored. It’s important that any therapist who is supporting you through healing those wounds respects your process, whatever that may look like. This could mean a clear discussion of consent throughout therapy (which is good practice in any case). Respect may mean moving slowly as you build trust and begin to unwrap your wounds. For others, respect may mean being willing/able to push you forward in a way that honors your strength.
If you are located in NC or FL, and looking to work with a licensed mental health professional who understands religious trauma and being wounded by faith, I have a few spots open for new clients. I do offer a brief, free consultation chat prior to scheduling to answer questions and determine if we are a good fit to move forward in scheduling therapy. You can learn more about my approach with religious trauma here, and can contact me here to get the process started.
If you are located in another state, or feel that a different approach or a therapist with different identity intersections would best meet your needs, the therapist directory at Reclamation Collective offers information about other therapists who work with religious trauma.
An Upcoming Opportunity – Wounded By Faith Group Therapy
Difficulty feeling safe with other people can be one of the ongoing impacts of religious trauma. Those with wounds from faith systems often miss the community and have difficulty trusting people. I will be facilitating a trauma-informed, virtual therapy group, “Wounded By Faith”, beginning March 23, 2023, that will allow folks to explore building connections in a consent-based way.
“Wounded By Faith” is for women and non-binary folks in NC and FL, and will meet for 8 consecutive weeks, beginning March 23rd. This group will be held virtually and is limited to 10 participants max. We will spend time building vocabulary around our experiences and talking about how trauma, especially faith-based wounds, can impact us both short-term and long-term. Participants will have an opportunity to share their story in a supportive environment, if they so choose. We’ll also spend time talking about how those who have been wounded by faith can reevaluate their current values, grieve for what they have lost, and move forward in a way that feels appropriate for them.
This group is not focused on any particular outcome as far as where participants are in their faith journey. Folks are welcome and wanted in the group regardless of what emotions they may bring or whether they desire to reconstruct their faith or walk away completely (or something else entirely). You can learn more about the “Wounded By Faith” group here, and schedule a pre-group consult if you’re interested in participating.
Michelle F. Moseley is a licensed clinical mental health counselor providing telehealth services in the states of North Carolina and Florida. She specializes in providing support for folks who struggle with feelings of not being enough, which often stem from messages of being “too much.” She works from a trauma-informed perspective, and believes that ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and to feel heard. Learn more about Michelle by visiting www.MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
