Body image concerns can be especially difficult to navigate around holidays. Many holidays include food as part of the celebration, and with multiple holidays occurring in the last 2 months of the year, the period of time between October 31st and January 1st can really highlight your body image concerns.
Preparing for Celebrations
Struggles with body image can sneak in even before you’re celerating. From deciding what to wear to a holiday event to limiting your food intake leading up to the celebration, the way you view and treat your body is front and center in many holiday preparations.
Choosing an Outfit
Imagine you have a vision of the perfect outfit for your event. It fits the expectations for attire. It’s exactly the style you love. You can imagine yourself feeling confident walking into that celebration, and having an amazing time.
Then you try on the outfit, and feel distraught at what you see in the mirror. It doesn’t match that vision you had in your mind. The fabric falls awkwardly and the length is not quite what you wanted. Not to mention it’s kinda stiff and itchy.
Is your first reaction to blame your body? To point out all the ways your body doesn’t fit the clothing, rather than to acknowledge that this particular piece of clothing doesn’t make you feel your best?
Trying on clothing and choosing outfits for special events can bring out our worst inner body image critics.
Restricting Your Food
Another common way that you might prepare for celebrations is by restricting food. Maybe you’ve thought, ‘I won’t eat throughout the day, so I can enjoy myself at the party tonight.” Or it may be something more like, ‘I’ll limit myself to [some tiny amount of calories] everyday this week, so I won’t feel guilty about my “cheat day” at the celebration this weekend.”
Struggling with body image, combined with a multi-billion dollar weight loss industry, can easily have you making choices that restrict your food in these ways. It’s easy to forget that your body needs daily nourishment with a variety of foods. Some of us also never learned that celebrations and the special foods that can be part of them are an important part of well-rounded nourishment.
Attending the Event
The body image concerns don’t stop once you’re at the event. You’ve chosen your outfit (hopefully one that is both comfortable and that you feel good in), and you’re ready to enjoy the event. How can body image concerns show up while you’re celebrating?
Food & Body Comments
Some folks still don’t seem to understand that commenting on others’ bodies and/or food choices is unnecessary and can be downright harmful. Some people say things that are blatantly inappropriate, while others attempt to crouch their comments with a mention of their own virtue or with the ever-popular back-handed compliment.
“Can’t believe you’re eating that. I got the small plate so I won’t eat as much.” “You have such a pretty face.” “Guess this wasn’t the year you tackled the weight loss.” “You need to be sure to get some of those veggies.”
It is never appropriate to offer unsolicited comments on another adult’s body or food choices! These comments can send folks into shame spirals and ruin an otherwise fun event. Even comments that some may view as “positive” – think of the person who says, “Wow, you’ve lost so much weight since I last saw you.” – can be incredibly harmful. We rarely know the details of why someone’s body may look different than it previously did, but we do know that it’s natural for bodies to change. And unless someone is about to eat something they are allergic to or that has fallen on the ground, what they put in their body is their business.
These types of comments can be another thing that highlights your body image concerns during the holidays.
Struggling with Hunger Cues
Are you able to recognize when you’re hungry? What about when you’re feeling satisfied? Ever find yourself eating to the point where you feel physical discomfort? Ever realize you haven’t eaten in hours only after you start feeling famished or weak?
We’re born with intuition around our hunger – small children make it very clear when they are finished with their food. But many of us lose that intuition somewhere along the way. Maybe you were encouraged to be part of “the clean plate club,” so you’re cue to stop has become when there is no more food left rather than when your body communicates it’s had enough. Maybe certain foods were off-limits in your house, so when you’re around them it’s hard to stop going back for more. (By the way, that’s normal. The natural response to something being restricted is to binge when it’s available.)
You might get to the celebration already feeling famished due to “saving your calories” for the event. You’re surrounded by interesting, tasty foods and beverages. You’ve had years of learning not to listen to your body’s cues of hunger and satisfaction. It’s the perfect storm to lead to eating more than your body needed (noted by physically feeling overly full) and to have difficulty not going back for more and more. This often comes with feelings of being out of control and of shame – part of the emotional side of body image concerns.
Overall Body Image Concerns
You can likely recognize body image concerns playing out in so many areas of life. The clothing you choose. Your thoughts when you look in the mirror or see a picture of yourself. The fear of how your body might change over time, or the comments that others might make. You struggle to find a sense of peace with food and your body.
The many holiday celebrations in the last couple months of the year often only serve to highlight these ongoing struggles. How do people handle this holiday conundrum?
Miss Out on Celebrating
Some folks miss out on celebrating altogether. Perhaps this has been you? You get so frustrated that you can’t find just the right outfit. You know they’ll be serving that dish you love, the one that you only have at the holiday celebration. You fear that you’ll have difficulty not eating more than your body actually needs and wants. You’re anxious about what those people who haven’t seen you since the last celebration might say.
So, you just don’t go. You miss out on spending time with family or friends. You don’t get to participate in the traditions around this particular celebration. You don’t get a chance to enjoy that favorite dish that is special to this holiday event. And you’re still left struggling with your body image, feeling like who you are is not good enough to take up space and enjoy celebrating.
Plan for “New Year, New You”
The next step for lots of folks is to start thinking about those ‘New Year’s Resolutions,’ which so often include some version of “get healthy” or “lose weight.” Having a desire to improve your health is not the issue. The issue is that we so often equate health with weight, overlooking the myriad of other aspects that play a role in one’s health. Health includes things like connection with others, feeling a sense of value in the world, taking care of yourself through dental appointments and finding time for hobbies. We also tend to overlook the fact that not everyone has access to the things that often get labeled “healthy” in mainstream US culture – fresh produce, open areas to move and explore, accessible classes or facilities for movement or self-care, ongoing medical care with a provider who knows and respects them.
Research has shown over and over that the majority of folks who start the year with some kind of “health” or weight-related resolution are no longer pursuing that goal by February. One month in and folks recognize that the “New Year, New You” mindset is not working. Those old body image concerns are still there. For many, the holiday season filled with judgement and inner conflict around food and your body, is now compounded by feelings of failure for not sticking to your goal.
Body Mindfulness Can Help
There is a different way to address body image concerns. Body Mindfulness describes my approach of utilizing non-judgemental awareness to get in tune with your body and to reconnect to your intuition around food and movement. I teach Body Mindfulness in group therapy, workshops, and in individual sessions. One of the first things we talk about is the fact that 95-98% of diets fail – the diet industry is built on their products failing, yet leaving you feeling the shame!
Participants in the group will not only learn about being mindful and reconnecting with their bodies. We’ll also spend time talking about those internal voices that police our food choices, the way that the weight-loss industry has highjacked the joy of moving our bodies, the fact that body size and fatphobia are social justice issues, as well as many other discussions that can help with untangling your body image concerns. There are also resources provided that can help you as you move forward in your journey of finding peace with food and your body.
If you’re located in NC or FL, and are interested in learning more about Body Mindfulness or working together to address your body image concerns, please contact me. I’d love to chat with you and see what might be the best option for you.
Michelle F. Moseley is a licensed clinical mental health counselor providing telehealth services in the states of North Carolina and Florida. She specializes in providing support for folks who struggle with feelings of not being enough, which often stem from messages of being “too much.” She works from a trauma-informed perspective, and believes that ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and to feel heard. Learn more about Michelle by visiting www.MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle