What does it mean to be “wounded by faith”? When you experience harm or an injury (emotional, spiritual, etc.) within a religious context, that is being wounded by faith. This phrase may resonate more with some folks than terms such as “religious trauma” or “spiritual abuse,” which are also types of wounds that can come within a faith-based context.
I’m Michelle F. Moseley, LCMHC, a licensed mental health counselor in NC who specializes in working with individuals who have experienced religious trauma or spiritual abuse, those who are navigating shifts in their beliefs, and people who have experience with being wounded by faith.
These wounds can take a variety of forms, and they can’t be healed by covering them with a bandage. In fact, trying to ignore them or cover them with a spiritual bandage of sorts can often make the wound even worse. The harm may occur within an organized faith community such as a church, or in a more loosely organized, spiritually-focused group. Faith wounds can occur as leaders interact with participants. They can also occur within the group, and even within one’s own internal spiritual life.
Some Common Types of Faith Wounds
ABUSE OF POWER BY LEADERS – Folks can be wounded by faith when those who are in leadership positions are not careful with their power. Leaders may surround themselves with others who are unwilling or unable to challenge the leader’s ideas. A leader may make requests of a participant in a way that cannot be declined based on the power dynamic at play.
PHYSICAL ABUSE – Some belief systems teach that physical punishment is the best way to handle disobedience. This can lead to parents who utilize physical force to the point of harming their children, or adults who harm themselves physically as a way to “pay” for being bad or sinful.
SEXUAL ABUSE – This type of wound occurs when someone within the faith system has a power-driven, sexually-based interaction with another person. A dynamic of unequal power is always at play in these scenarios – priests and children, pastor and congregant, older child to younger child, etc. Sexual abuse can also occur within marriage, especially in a faith systems that teach submission of one gender to another or that one’s body belongs to their partner.
PURITY CULTURE – Sexual abuse may also be the intertwined with the teachings of purity culture. Purity Culture is a common name for the teachings around “staying pure” until marriage (i.e. not having sex), often taught in evangelical Christian and other conservative belief systems. Some of the harmful teachings that may be part of purity culture include: men can’t control their sexual desire/actions, women are responsible for covering their body to protect men from lusting, lack of education regarding bodily/sexual development, being taught your body is “dirty”, difficulty with sexual pleasure when one does become sexually active (even if that’s within marriage).
ECONOMIC CONTROL – Many faith systems include some guidance around giving a portion of one’s income back toward the faith. However, this guidance can move into the realm of control in various ways. Some examples of economic control within a faith context include:
- a church requiring member’s tax return from previous year to determine if they gave enough to the church
- continually adding to requirements for staff, and withholding income when new requirements are not met
- forceful conversations around expectations for the amount of money someone has given the faith organization, regardless of the person’s financial situation
- preferential treatment of those who give more
- expectations of many hours of unpaid work per week in order to prove commitment or faithfulness
GENDER EXCLUSION – While exclusion can occur toward any gender, I often hear from women who have been excluded from activities or roles solely based on gender. This can also include being forced into roles or activities solely based on gender that are not a good fit for the individual. I have heard from so many wise, educated, passionate women who were not allowed to teach or be part of the decision-making process in their faith community because of their gender. They are left to attempt to heal the wound of being banned from doing the very thing they feel their higher power is asking them to do.
EXCLUSION / CONDEMNATION BASED ON SEXUALITY – Many faith systems have treated (and still treat) LGBTQ+ folks horribly. For some folks, this may feel like a particularly complex issue due to the specifics of their belief system. However, regardless of one’s specific beliefs, being treated as less than human, being told you are condemned to eternal punishment, and being excluded from a community of faith where you yearn to belong are experiences that leave wounds.
EXPECTATION TO “GIVE ALL” – Many belief systems focus on sacrificing yourself for the higher good, as identified by that belief system. The act of giving all you have to give, and then some, is often celebrated. There is no room for discussion of boundaries around what one can give, or caring for self in order to be able to give long-term. This can lead to a pattern of folks being “on fire” for a short period of time – involved in everything and always giving of themselves – and then fizzling out. After they fizzle out, these folks often feel forgotten and are hurt by the lack of care and compassion from the community they have given so much to.
LACK OF SUPPORT IN DIFFICULT TIMES – Part of the appeal of a faith community is the idea of community – having a group of people who know what’s going on in your life and who show up to support you in whatever way is needed. We have a natural human desire to feel heard and known, to receive support from others when things are difficult. When that doesn’t happen, it can be a wound for the person who feels overlooked or abandoned.
One example from my own life occurred when I was a single lady in my late 20s. My air conditioner was having some type of issue and there was excess condensation. I needed some help to figure out the problem. I posted this need on the online bulletin board for my church at the time. The pastor commented that a wet/dry vac might be helpful and said he had one. He didn’t offer to let me borrow it or to come help me out, and didn’t respond when I asked if he was available to assist. I was left to figure it out on my own, with a hefty price tag for a simple job. This was a difficult time for me, and I did not feel supported by my faith community.
POLITICAL ALIGNMENT OF GROUP – I have talked with so many folks over the past few years who have been harmed by the way their faith community has aligned with certain political ideologies. Many of these people have been left with questions around how those who claim to believe in love, grace, and acceptance of the “least of these” can support politicians, ideas, and movements that are antithetical to those very beliefs. For some, this wound has been on more of an ideological level, while for others, it has been very personal based on their own identities.
LIVED EXPERIENCE IS DENIED OR MINIMIZED – I believe one of the greatest sources of connection in life comes when we trust someone with our story and it is heard and validated. Alternately, one of the most wounding experiences is to have our story dismissed. This can happen when the story of our experience is met with things like “well, it could’ve been worse” or “let me tell you about what happened to this other person I know.” Another way this wound can show up is when our lived experience is denied by comments like, “I didn’t experience it that way” with no room for the possibility that your experience can still be true even if it’s different. When this happens in your faith community, you learn that it’s dangerous to be authentic and may even start to question your own experiences.
MENTAL HEALTH NEEDS DISMISSED – I believe that all of us can benefit from talking with a licensed therapist at various times in our lives. Wounds can grow and fester when they are not addressed in a healthy manner by the appropriate person, and sometimes that person is a licensed mental health professional.
Some belief systems dismiss mental health altogether. Others believe the faith leaders should be able to handle any concerns. Many faith communities direct folks to deal with mental health by doing things such as praying more, reading Scriptures, or denying themselves in some way. For a person who is struggling with their mental health and who already feels like they’re doing all they can to live out their beliefs, the lack of appropriate care can be a lethal wound.
LOSS OF COMMUNITY / FRIENDS / FAMILY – This one is sometimes an expected wound – knowing that beginning to question or change your beliefs is going to cause you to lose some relationships. Other times the loss is an unexpected injury to your already wounded self. For those who have grown up within a faith system or for whom their beliefs have permeated their entire being, the loss of community cuts deeply. They may ask: How do I make friends? Did these people even care about me? How can my family disown me?
Healing the Wound
Are some of these types of wounds resonating with you? Maybe more than one describes your own experience with religion or a faith-based group.
How can you find healing when you’ve been wounded by faith?
Each person’s journey toward healing is unique. You may find yourself deconstructing your beliefs – questioning and reevaluating them in order to determine what still holds true for you. You may find yourself choosing to walk away from faith practices entirely. You may find a different belief system that allows you to hold onto the beliefs that are important to you, while decreasing the likelihood you will continue to be wounded. Or your path may look completely different from any of those I just described.
A huge part of my own journey in healing from my wounding by faith was working with a therapist who was respectful of my process and helped me understand the responses my brain and body were having to those wounds, which I experienced as religious trauma. Having a strong therapeutic relationship may be part of your journey as well.
Some things to consider when looking for a therapist to discuss being wounded by faith:
- Do they understand religious trauma? Wounds that occur within a faith system can have some unique aspects, so it’s important to work with someone who understands this. You may want to ask about their familiarity with religious trauma, and with your specific belief system, as well as about any additional training they have had in the area.
- Do you connect with them? Pay attention to how you feel when you’re interacting with a potential therapist. You may be able to schedule a short consultation prior to having an official appointment. If so, utilize this time to ask any questions that you have and notice how the interaction feels. Multitudes of research has shown that one of the most powerful aspects of therapy is the relationship a client has with their therapist. It’s important that you feel heard and validated. If you work with a therapist long-term, there will likely be missteps in the relationship (you are both humans interacting after all), but feeling connected with your therapist can go a long way in being able to repair those moments and find your way toward healing.
- Do they respect your process? For many folks who have been wounded by faith, part of their story is a power dynamic where their opinions, desires, and/or consent were not honored. It’s important that any therapist who is supporting you through healing those wounds respects your process, whatever that may look like. This could mean a clear discussion of consent throughout therapy (which is good practice in any case). Respect may mean moving slowly as you build trust and begin to unwrap your wounds. For others, respect may mean being willing/able to push you forward in a way that honors your strength.
For a more detailed look at some important things to consider, check out Questions to Ask When Seeking a Religious Trauma Therapist.
If you are located in North Carolina and looking to work with a licensed mental health professional who understands religious trauma and the impacts of being wounded by faith, I have a few spots open for new clients. I provide a free, virtual consultation prior to scheduling to to help determine if we are a good fit to move forward in scheduling therapy. You can learn more about my approach with religious trauma here, and can contact me here to get the process started.
If you are located in another state (or outside the US), or feel that a different approach or a therapist with different identity intersections would best meet your needs, you may want to check out the Reclamation Collective Resource Directory or the Empathy Paradigm Therapist Directory.
A Special Opportunity – Wounded By Faith Therapy Group
One of the long-lasting impacts of being wounded by faith or experiencing religious trauma can be having difficulty interacting with other people. You may have never had an opportunity to interact with individuals outside of your religious group. How do you trust people again when you were wounded within a group of people you trusted?
I created the Wounded By Faith therapy group to meet this very need! This is the kind of group that I wish had been available when I was early in my own journey of understanding my experience of spiritual abuse and religious trauma and trying to figure out how I wanted to move forward in my life.
Wounded By Faith is an 8-week therapist-led group that covers topics like understanding the impacts of faith-based wounds, navigating grief, figuring out personal values, and exploring safe community. The group is limited to 6 participants and I generally run it a few times each year.
This group is not focused on any particular outcome as far as where participants are in their faith journey. Folks are welcome and wanted in the group regardless of what emotions they may bring or whether they desire to reconstruct their faith or walk away completely (or something else entirely). We all agree to a strong foundation of consent and personal autonomy from the beginning of our 8 weeks together.
You can learn more about the Wounded By Faith group here, and schedule a pre-group consult if you’re interested in participating. If this post is resonating with you, I would love to chat with you about being a part of the next Wounded By Faith group experience.
Michelle F. Moseley (she/her) is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in NC (#12491). She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma, and with those who have body image concerns, finding there is frequent overlap in these areas. She also frequently supports late-identified neurodivergent individuals as they navigate the grief and relief of a new understanding of self. You can learn more about Michelle by visiting her website at MichelleFMoseley.com or following her on Instagram – @therapy_with_michelle
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